The first struggle I have is whatever I want this site to be. It’s supposed to be my journal. As you can see not many entries have been entered and really it comes down to having the time. I’ve never really made time to journal. Now it’s said you always have time and the real reason is you just never make the time. ANd it’s true I don’t normally make the time. I’m one who rather sit with the thoughts and feelings. When I think deeply or have ideas I pace around my home like a mad man. When I feel deeply I like to stew in it and figure it out. I find if I journal it lets the feeling out but I don’t get the chance to really understand it.
I don’t know if saying “understanding a feeling” makes any sense but whatever.
The next struggle is where am I going in my life. A struggle we all have most of the time. The main part I am wrestling with is I have a plethora of skills. Where do I really want to focus it on. My current job is great and I’m getting some abilities out of it. But since I’m on the road living in hotels I feel it takes me away from being able to focus on living in a certain community, providing for my family (wife and 3 plants…we may branch out and yes take the big leap…get a dog… but not until we get a yard) and where do I really want to focus a career. I have a few ideas on the career, but I’m sick of going back to school and really sick of paying off school loans.
And the real struggle of it all, where is my relationship with God? All of the struggles above will work out. But this question I need to be pursuing. It’s not a routine and it’s not a forumula. How do I pursue this relationship? Do I really want this relationship? Why do I keep using the word relationship and do I even know what that means?
This is where I am at. I have a million goals, thoughts and ideas in my mind today. They’re all crap if I don’t have my life centered on Jesus.
So in raw and authentic form. I’m going to start at square one. Lord where are you? Are you asking where am I? Let’s meet.
The past few months the communication between God and I have gone like this:
Ty: Lord, Where are you?
Lord: I’m right here! Why do you keep asking that? And why do you keep standing me up?
Ty: Uhh… I was going to make some time for you, but uhhh… I got a little caught up in some other things. By the way thanks for the everlasting grace and mercy 
This style of communication changes. I have to do my part as every healthy relationship is not one-sided. Two to tango and all those great cliches we over use for every analogy.
Let’s see what happens.
“The impulse to pursue God originates with God, but the outworking of that impluse is our following hard after him; and all the time we are pursuing Him, we are already in his hand.” - A.W. Tozer
“My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.” - Psalm 63:8 (NASB)
It looks like I may have neglected the site. But looks can be deceiving.
I have a few drafts saved from the past few months I have decided against posting them. I’ve been journalling my current adventures as I have been traveling across Canada for work. I wanted this blog to be a spot to journal my spiritual journey and my physical one has taken over (even though there are no posts to prove that). My goal is just to chronicle my spiritual life in a complete and authentic manner.
My current employment is the greatest. If I wasn’t married it would be the one of the greatest jobs to exist. (The job takes me away from my wife for very long periods of time which has been a big struggle). I’ve had the chance to speak with many youth living in different parts of the country, hopefully encouraging to care for one another. I’ll get more into this another time when it relates more to my spiritual life (which it does, I just don’t want to go into it right now).
It`s interesting to see what people are typing in Google for this blog come up. A lot of it has to do with pop culture and spirituality. Which is something I have always hoped to discuss more on here and will try to do so in the very near future. I also have looked at what sites refer this site too… one is some foreign porn site. I don’t know why but I hope they know I will not be reciprocating the favor.
I’ve also had a good laugh at the spam comments I’ve been getting. My personal favorite that I almost approved: “I recently discovered this blog. I’ve had a similar idea to your rewriting the ten commandments for some time now.” I never knew I had that idea… however Jesus did rewrite (or reprioritize) the ten commandments so let’s give him the props for the concept.
Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” - Matthew 22:34-40 (TNIV)
My last post was in May!?!
Yeah, it’s called summertime. Which is too bad it is such a distraction because a lot of struggle and a lot of celebrating has come in the past few months and not been recorded down in written form.
The stirring inside definitely has continued to play it’s role. Including handing in my resignation at my current workplace for a position that will have me traveling across a province or two.
This new position will be changing things up lifestyle wise and blog wise. This blog will truly become a journal for not just my spiritual adventures but also now for my physical adventures. But more on this later.
Peace out.
There is something burning inside of me. A passion that lately has been really stirring. Is it the Holy Spirit? I don’t know. Is it God calling? Is he saying that it is time to start putting action in unconditional love that should be spread across the world? I laugh at that last sentence… I should have started the day I was born. I don’t know. I’m feeling a time of action. I read a lot. I hear a lot. I see a lot. I learn a lot. But I don’t DO a lot. And it’s time for a change.
I know the past few days that I’ve been over eager with all these things I want to do for the Glory of God. Volunteer here, here and there. Give whatever I can financially and emotionally to those who need it. I can’t explain this passion of fire or what it is; I just know it’s there and it is growing. I just hope I give it the things it needs to truly catch and turn into an inferno. An inferno that is to be fed as long as I live and to spread like wildfire beyond. Doing my part of the call of the great commission.
It’s so easy to let the fire burn out. To just ignore it and let it go away. To turn back to daily routine only caring for myself and those close to me. It is so EASY focus on the ways of the world.
I hope I feed it this fire.
“Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done, On Earth as it is in Heaven.”
A Franciscan Benediction
May God bless you with discomfort
At easy, answers, half-truths and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace
May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
To turn their pain to joy
And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
Amen.
When I first started this blog, my second post was originally supposed to be what allows me to call myself a Christian. What makes this so-called site “Christian”
Everyone can hear the word “Christian” and label it to something. Some good, some not so great. After writing a lot and verifying all the different ways to define the word Christian I became frustrated as I debated with myself and saved the draft.
Never to be opened again.
I said if I want to ever do that post, I’m deleting everything and sticking with just the doctrine of the Early Church.
Which is the simplest and loveliest: “Jesus is Lord” You believe that, you’re a Christian. I’m sticking with that.
I believe Jesus is Lord. Not a prophet, a guy with some great ideas or a first century hippie… LORD.
Believeing this makes me… Christian Ty, plus it’s pretty cool… that my belief with my name is one letter off from spelling Christianity. And I like being one letter off… because I’m never going to be adequate enough AND Christianity has is a word that make some people cringe, I’d like Christian Ty to be able to be an invitation to anyone and everyone. Then again most will consider one more journal with horrible grammar. But whatever it’s my space to deal with my thoughts, and I hope some people can get something out of it. Preferably positive as opposed to negative or something to fuel their own fire.
I was listening to a Tony Campolo podcast yesterday and what he said inspired me to write this post. Enjoy!
“There are people who say if you don’t agree with us, on these theological issues, you are not a Christian. Being a Christian is not simply coming to a unified theology but coming to a common surrender to Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour of our lives. Is he a living presence in you?
That’s what makes you a Christian.
My theology I’m sure is incorrect. Every theology is incorrect. The Bible says we know in part and we prophecy in part. And not until the second coming, namely, not until that which is perfect has come will that which is in part be done away.
Our theologies our incorrect. So if we judge people by their theologies we’re going to be messed up. But if we evaluate people in terms of the way in which love flows out of them to meet the needs of others, we’re on the right track.”
- Tony Campolo from his podcast named God of Intimacy Part 2
Just to give a biblical reference to when he says, “The Bible says” it’s 1 Corinthians 13:9-10
Does love flow out of me the right way? Is Jesus a living presence in me?
Personally, I think I’ve got a lot of connecting with God and the community to do.
If you are a Christian, what is your answer to these two questions.
This image came from http://www.octanecreative.com/stainedglasses/
I just finished watching, “The Mist.”
I’ll have to go into it another time for the amount of messages that lay in this story/film.
I have not read the written version by Stephen King. But his work has always showed humanity in a bad light. And this story/film… I’ve spent the past five minutes pacing around wanting to either vomit or weep or both.
I was watching the Black and White Director’s Cut. I’m assuming the theatrical cut was in B&W as well because this movie would not be the same if it were in colour. (UPDATE: Apparently the film is normally in colour… may I recommend seeing the B&W version. I have not seen the colour version but I feel it would be distracting and take you away from the messages and the story.)
The film is well made. I can’t think of any other film that has wanted to leave me vomiting. And when I say to “bring up” I don’t mean from some sort of graphic gore meant for shock value or from shaky camera affect (see Blair Witch or Cloverfield). I think the queasiness in my stomach is for how humans and humanity are portrayed in the film: what drives us, our desire to let nothing control us, our desire for self-survival and the lengths we go to. There is a lot more than this in the film. But the few things mentioned are certainly the tip of the iceberg that have discombobulated me.
Consider the next paragraph a spoiler not in plot but in structure. Skip it if you desire to see this film and do not want to expect anything.
I think I was expecting a throwback to classic cinema. Like in the 30s where the fear isn’t the monster, but your imagination. But also with having the best “thriller/horror” stories the “evil” isn’t what you’re running/hiding from but that it is humanity that is the monster. So I guess I was expecting those things (which I believe the film has) but a lot more with it. Here’s the spoiler part… I was expecting a hollywood ending… and I guess when I didn’t get it and I got the scene that I did… it has a visual message that is very strong and at this current moment I can’t put it in words to explain it.
Now don’t get me wrong this movie isn’t Citizen Kane. And I don’t mean for it to sound like it’s anything like that. I think I was expecting one thing (hollywood fluff with a director I enjoy) and once I started to consume it I realized I was getting something much deeper that left a sour taste in my mouth.
So at a later time in the month possibly I’ll come back to this. Either with an analyzing of all the messages I picked up on or just a commentary on one of the “sub-plots” or minor character if you will. We’ll call that character the “will of God.” Now this character is talked about a lot by one person but this person doesn’t know what they’re talking about. However the character, the “will of God”, is in this film… but only briefly. It happens once near the beginning of the film and it certainly plays a role in the end.
But like I said I’ll get into that another time.
A few other things I still desire to write about over the next month:
a) Stewardship -> People in the church have always heard this word… but I’ve noticed it’s becoming a buzz word in all of society.
b) Servanthood -> This is a word that I think is fading from society… and is being replaced with Serve me…NOW!
c) The future belonging to Storytellers and Connectors… a phrase from Leonard Sweet. It’s the term Connector that is reonating with me.
d) And with some tongue in cheek humour… I believe to have come up with a new tool for evangelizing. I’ll go into more detail later this month.
e) Oh yeah… and a few dreams I had back at the start of the new year… Just to share not to say I dreamed about the future. But just some dreams that have stayed with me and I’d like to journal them on this blog.
I wanted a creative title… instead I went with a scripture reference that deals with this post.
A few months back, I was at a church that did an excellent sermon on how each one of us has that certain personality that can reach out to that other personality. We each have backgrounds and experiences in life in which these moments help us to relate to others. This relation helps create bonds, trust, mutual respect and understanding.
I recently moved away from Toronto, Ontario. One of the things I miss is the diversity and culture that exists in that city. I enjoyed meeting people of different cultures and just learning of the different perspective in what they have experienced and how they currently see the world. Whenever I had met someone who shared the same culture/experiences of someone I’d met before, I’d always compare to see if they shared the same type of experiences. I never made generalizations, each person was their own individual, I just enjoyed getting more clarification of other diversities I didn’t know very much of. I always imagine how great it would be to have certain people I’ve met in the same room and how interesting the conversation would flow. It’s just the ability to be in sync with someone is quite phenomenal, and something I enjoy witnessing.
On the path of life we have all the times that make us who we are. Not only do they define us, but these times define how well we can relate to a certain individual. So I had this inspiring message and most likely the Holy Spirit flowing through me. In that my interests, my experiences, etc. help me able to relate to someone in a way that another person may not be able to.
I’ll see if I can find great leading examples that work well with people relating and try to find examples that didn’t work when there is no relation (I doubt the label “bible thumper” came from a term of respect of one person defining another).
Being a person who has always enjoyed film, I always thought my way of spreading the Gospel to the world would be through the medium of film. I was on that path, but God called me elsewhere for a while (more on that another time). So until (if ever) I get back on the film making path there are other ways for me to reach people in the world. Of course the same day I heard the inspiring sermon I went home to read the latest issue of the zombie comic book, The Walking Dead. I enjoy great stories and it’s the characters that make the stories great. The creator of The Walking Dead series, Robert Kirkman, knows how to tell the proper zombie story. In which it’s not the zombies that are the stars but the people trying to survive in a zombie infested world.
Now for what has seem like an eternity, people have been writing in anger to Kirkman about how a character of a minority race was treated. I don’t want to get into the issue here but Kirkman explained himself and feel free to read the letter sections of The Walking Dead Issues if it interests you. Of course in the issue I read after the church service had a letter in how it’s now time to start writing about hating religion. I thought how I could actually write in on that topic and try to get some people to open a bible. So I did. Had it not been for that sermon, I probably wouldn’t have done it. I figured I’d do it, it probably wouldn’t get published but at least I had an interesting tidbit I thought the creator of the series would enjoy. I’d also get to let him know I’ve enjoyed his series since issue 1 and I could also praise Jesus. And hey if it got one person to read a piece God’s word. That’s better then no one. Well cut to last week. I was reading the latest issue and once I came to the letter section I did I double take when I saw my name.
I blurred out my name and location because I don’t think it has any relevance to this blog. But at least it puts to rest the rumours my wife tells people that Ty stands for Tyrone, Tyrannosaurus or whatever other letters she can put behind Ty
You may not agree with what I’ve written. HATE is a very strong word. It catches eyes. But religion these days does seem to revolve around legalism. I’m not into that. I’m saved through Jesus in what he did for me not what I have to do to get to him. I wanted this letter to show people a perspective of a Christian that isn’t really represented in media and to see if I could get a few people to open up the Bible. And to get them askin, “if it says this in Matthew 27:52-53 what else does it say in here that I don’t know about?”
We live in a world where the media feeds us and we eat it up. Over the last few years on my journey of really trying to “be in a relationship” with God misconceptions have been revealed to me. For instance, if I were to ask you how many “kings” visited Jesus when he was born you may know the answer? I don’t see the number or the word kings in my translation.
Back to the comic, when I turned the page it included my ps and Kirkman’s response.
For some reason I wasn’t thinking that he’d just google the scripture. However I did create the chance for him to discover a piece of scripture he may not have heard/read.
This entry wasn’t very concise and fairly unstructured. Hopefully as I continue, my writing on this blog will improve and reflect a more simplified way of sharing my thoughts.
The point.
We’re constantly given opportunities to spread the Gospel to the world. Just because one person does it with a megaphone that turns you off from wanting to do it doesn’t mean there isn’t another way to truly reach them. The person with the megaphone is certainly not going to reach all people, we each need to do things our way being who we are from the moments we have experienced. And at the same time we can’t ever force someone to believe something. That would just bring it back to legalism. God created life to live, he calls all people to him. People who follow Jesus are at best are sign posts that guide others to when they are being called down the right path. (It will be interesting to see if and how my perspective evolves as I continue over time on this blog)
For those of you who didn’t pull a Kirkman yet and google 1 Corinthians 1:18:
“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” (TNIV)
How do you spell success?
How are you successful?
Back when I was in my early twenties a friend asked me, “Ty, how do you define success?”
I didn’t have the words to explain it. A lot of people in the world define themselves in interesting words to show their success:
“Hi, I’m Bob, car salesman… I own a cottage up in the Hamptons” (I personally don’t know where the Hamptons are but it sounds nice)
“I’m Tim, father of three and work on wall street”
“I’m Cathy, I just started my on henna franchise chain”
Employment and Family, seem to be how people identify themselves and their success. Last night, my wife and I were watching an episode of Fraiser where a character is madly in love with her new beau… however she is embarrassed as he is “just” a garbageman. She forgets or is ignorant to all the qualities in why she loves him so much due to the fact of him being unsuccessful (in her eyes) with his career.
Going back to my friend’s original question, I knew that’s not how I wanted to define success. So I asked him, have you ever seen the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life?
He hadn’t so we watched it. And the movie showed him a new way of defining success. For those who haven’t seen the Frank Capra masterpiece. (some may consider the next two lines a spoiler) You have a man full of dreams and ambition, but due to caring for others he doesn’t get the opportunity to fulfill them. He does end with having a blessed family and a friend in everyone.
Who needs to fulfill huge ambitions to FEEL the need of reward and accomplishment… When you are surrounded by people to connect with, to grow with, to enjoy all the moments of life with and to positively influence and encourage each other?
It’s certainly hard to notice or not to identify with our big dreams we have for ourselves. It’s all about us/me.
Here is what inspired this little journal entry. I’m currently (and finally… I’ve been trying to see this series for over a decade) viewing the entire UP Series (I have linked the wikipedia link, however I haven’t even read it as I want to view all the movies first, I suggest you do the same, check your local library for the series). The UP series is a documentary series that started with 7 UP, in which 20 seven year old children in England were selected each with a different “social status” and upbringing and asked questions on how they see the world. Every seven years a new film comes out with an update on the lives of 14 of the original 20. The latest is 49 UP which came out in 2005.
The series is fantastic. I can’t believe how well they selected the people at 7 to be the interesting and authentic speaking people they have become. This is by far my favorite documentary. I do have two issues with it. One being I am trying to pace myself through the series. For instance after finishing 35 up my wife wanted to watch 42 up right away… I needed to “decompress” or just let it sit with me for a while and think about it. One of the big reasons I wanted to get in some time to think about these people at the age of 35 and what their lives are like before finding out what life became at42, is because I don’t want to see someone’s entire life summed up in a 10 minute vignette. So issue #1 isn’t with the series at all since they only update every seven years, but with myself and having almost 5 decades worth of life summed and display in a matter of days, it feels almost rushed through and that the moments that have made them the people they are less significant.
Issue #2… It is quite obvious in how the documentary spells success. Where most of the documentary features current love life, current family life, current career, how past ambitions live up to the current, and future ambitions? And this is a good formula to follow as it answers a lot of questions for the audience (especially since filmmakers only have so much time to work with), however I feel some of the things that have shaped the people for who they have become (those little moments in life) are completely overlooked.
This is all paraphrased but I wanted it to be in the quote section, for impact.
At 21 one of the children has dropped the ambitious plans they have and become homeless. When interviewed at 21, this person was asked, “When we come back in 7 years where do you hope we will find you?”
The person, answers, “Married, living in a house, working and making enough to afford comfortable living.”
Cut to 14 years later:
This person (who is now 35) is not married and lives on social security.
The interviewer asks, “Do you consider yourself a failure?”
(I hate the word fail/failure… these are words that just bring a person down… when in reality very few things can be considered failure… but that will be another journal entry)
The person responds in a frustrated state, “My life isn’t over, yet.”
An excellent answer. Especially in response to a society that where youth is considered above age. This person is only at 35 and because he hasn’t followed a normal path that society makes he is asked if he feels like a failure? To be fair the interviewer isn’t labeling the word on the person, but it is still a “charged” or dirty word to bring into play.
I didn’t do a very good job of paraphrasing and I purposely didn’t use the persons name in case you have not yet seen the series but are interested. The main point comes across that has everyone’s heart break when the word failure is painted. And then comes the roaring trumpet call, “My life isn’t over, yet.”
So again I ask you, how do you spell success?
Is it with how many of something you OWN? Is it what people pay you to do? Is it how you interact with the world? Is it something no one else in the world would even think of?
The UP series is very interesting and the theme of success flows through it. Each person is happy at one point and it is that happiness that they feel success. And they each define it a certain way.
This post has become a lot longer than imagined so I will get into my personal way in feeling successful another time. But I would like to end this with scripture I have been meditating on for a few months.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding:
in all your ways acknowledge him.
and he will make your paths straight.
- Proverbs 3:5-6
At school, Count Zinzendorf, founded a prayer group “Order of the Grain of the Mustard Seed.” They made a solemn pledge that would shape the destiny for the rest of their lives, vowing:
- Be kind to all men
- Be true to Christ
- Send the Gospel to the world
Each member of the order also wore a ring inscribed with the words, “No man liveth unto himself”
This is a very cool vow! As I copied the above from the book, Red Moon Rising I did a search to see what else I could find on “The Order of the Grain of the Mustard Seed” and actualy came across a website with the ring image:
www.mustardseedorder.com
It’s very cool to see how a vow made by a man to live his life for Christ continues to inspire the world today. And in the same sense isn’t that what we’re all meant to do. One small piece of how your positive influence in the world can continue (and even get a website long after you’re gone). I enjoy the symbolizing of the ring: connection, unity, joining together, constant flow/circle, etc.
UPDATED NOTE:
I should point out there is a connection between the book “Red Moon Rising” and www.mustardseedorder.com and that is both revolve around 24-7 Prayer. A movement that was inspired by a model Count Zinzendrof setup in the 1700’s when 700 people gathered on the Count’s estate and prayed 24/7… (the prayer meeting lasted 125 years). I’m still learning all about it, so I can’t give too much information. However check out the links and learn about it yourself. It’s very interesting.